what do you think of these lyrics?

i know people may say it sounds like a poem, which is true. I write a
lot of poetry but this is a song, i have the tune ready and
everything. i just want to know what you think of the lyrics. Jeff
Buckley was a huge inspiration for this.

Summer Rain

Open eyed and bleeding with a kiss,
Awaiting for your visit.
Embracing all your flaws as you take mine,
We invite the summer rain in.

I watch the moon crawl,
With you sitting by my side.
The sun has died,
As have I and gone to heaven.

Watching all the mourners crack a smile,
Is enough to ill a blind man.
Nothing can deprive us of our joy,
Not even crystal sadness.

Maybe were too young,
To know our love as true.
But looking at you,
I have died and gone to heaven.

Shining like a meadow in the sun,
The ripples aid the water.
Blinded by the tears of the loved,
No longer with another.

Hours have all gone,
Yet i'm not ready to go.
We both know,
We have died and gone to heaven.